Whenever I try a new beauty routine, I make my boyfriend swear on his left testicle (not literally, of course) that he will NOT, under ANY circumstances, make fun of me. I should say that I am very proud of him for biting his tongue during my most recent experiment, during which I looked like a sad cucumber: Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Masque. Despite my fastidious cleansing regimen, I still struggle with blemishes (I don’t count my freckles, as they’re permanent residents). When I showed up at Sally Beauty Supply clad in sweatpants and desperation, they were having a huge sale on what appeared to be a jar full of greenish goop. Some of our worst choices are made out of desperation for results, and likewise some of our best are made under similar circumstances. In this particular case, my leap of faith had fantastic results: smaller, cleaner pores, and firm skin. As in my post about the gelatin masque, I shall say again: wait until you are by yourself to apply this less-than-beautiful beauty treatment, or risk being forever alone.
The container says to “apply generously,” by which they mean to scoop a heaping clay wad out of the jar and onto your flesh. The first thing I noticed was a strong tingling sensation bordering on a burning sensation- no pain, no gain I suppose (I should not that after my 2nd or 3rd time using this, the tingling was no longer an issue). During the 15 minutes I sat on the couch in my solidifying chrysalis of goop, I wondered if this must be how a caterpillar feels while it waits to become a butterfly: awkward, confined and unsure of the final results. Fast forwarding to 15 minutes later, the goop is no longer goopy: it looks like the cracked mud you see on the ground after a puddle has dried up. Remove the transformed goobers from your face with a washcloth, preferably one that you don’t care about turning green. Much to my astonishment, when I removed the chrysalis, I emerged as a metaphorical butterfly with smaller pores and fewer blackheads!! Hooray! Ultimately, although this is one of the least attractive beauty treatments I’ve tried, it is by far one of the most effective. So, if you no longer wish for your face to look like a connect-the-dots of blackheads, give the green goobers a try.